When we walk the city (All the words I should have said)


My dear Beard,

I met him in Saigon, a cute French guy. He’s the first man who ever told my eyes are beautiful. “Really? Really?” – I kept asking him  that night since in Vietnam my eyes are considered ugly.

– “You are beautiful. Yes, you! Your eyes, your smile, your hands. They are beautiful!”

And I fall for him, fall for his sweet words. Then we hold each other hands and walked the city night. I told him holding hands sometimes makes me turn on more than real sex. Sometimes, it’s the search for something more than sex.

And we talked,


– “What makes you proud of to be a French?”
– “It’s when my favorite football team won World Cup. But overall, I know we are kind of grumpy and complaining people”
–  “Why don’t you like French men?”
–  “Because I had bad experience dating them”
– “I hope I washed away that sin”
–  “Yes, you did”


– “Why did you become a lawyer?”
– “I thought being a lawyer is cool and can make good money (which is not the case)”
– “Why did you become a writer?”
– “I thought being a writer is cool, and smart (which is not the case)”

– “What is your fear?”
–  “I don’t have any. I mean i don’t like snakes and stuff like that but nothing speciality. But i don’t know what are you talking about, death, insecurities, loneliness, and failures in life?”
– “I don’t fear death. I faced it once. I am afraid of ghost. I never watch horror movies”
– “I’m afraid too. Don’t count on me when we watch horror movie”

– “I hate your ex-boyfriend. Why did you still think you in relationship with him with only 1 text every few days? Men always have time for what they are interested. Trust me. Men are simple”
– “I don’t believe long distance. It never works. You will meet someone else next month”
– “We will see. I look forward to see you again in Paris”

– “You guys need a marriage certificate to get a room” – said the receptionist.
– “WTF!”
– “Ok let’s go. We go to France and get married there, very easy and fast, then back here to get that fucking room”

– “Women always need some feelings to have sex with someone, while men only need sex”
– “Maybe it’s true, but for me I never had sex with anyone I didn’t have feeling with. I don’t have many women actually. My friend has been with 60-70 women. He uses Tinder a lot”
– “What do you think about threesome?”
– “I think it’s gross, like animal or something”
– “I don’t think it’s like animal. You just do what you feel like to do, that’s it”

– “Where do we fly my yellow bird?”
– “To somewhere only we know”
–  “I want 2 things: shower and my little yellow bird”
2 months later, we saw each other again in Paris. We walked the streets at night and talked,

– “I love walking in my city, along some small streets. This is Paris we all love”
– “I still remember the famous quote from Charles Dickens: There are only two places in the world where we can live happy: at home and in Paris”
– “Do you want to see my motorbike? I had a bicycle before, but in Paris you can lose your bicycle every 6 month”
– “Peeing on the street is normal in Paris. Even the girls do that too, between the cars, so don’t hide after the cars, you can’t stand with that fucking smell”
– “Be careful while walking fast under the rain in Paris, don’t fall down and break your legs. Even though France is the best country to break your legs. Hospital is free for everyone”


– “I love this museum, I’ve been here several times”
– “I did cry when I saw his painting named The Siesta. I don’t know why”

– “If you could erase one nation, which one would be?”
– “For me China of course. I’m Vietnamese”
– “For me, Luxembourg. Why? Because they’re useless!”

– “If you had the next life, which nationality you want to become?
– “French again, absolutely, or Italian, because they’re almost like French”

– “Why French don’t pronounce what they are writing?”
– “I don’t know. We have many silent words. We don’t say it, but we know it there. It always there”
– “I go climbing every weekend. I like sport.  My friends never do any sport. That’s typical Frenchmen”

He decided to go back to his ex girl friend.

It doesn’t mean I’m not good enough. It just means things has changed, he had a choice. All I can do is to accept the new truth, respect his feeling and his woman. That’s why I decided to not keep in touch with him. She would like it.

I never asked anything about her or questioned about myself. All I did was making him some energy balls as a pre/post workout snacks. I don’t take anything for granted. Life is about finding things – finding yourself, finding love, finding good friends, finding your happiness after losing someone you really into and finding peace in the midst of chaos.

Where should we go to finally find happiness in this long and lonely journey? I believe that we still hear on the doorways the footsteps of those who had crossed them, and, since then, have disappeared.

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